I'll just put it out there. Read on, but I don't expect you to get past 1/3 of the way. It's long and colorful, I'm warning you, but if you make it all the way through to the end, well, I think you've just impressed me! i like kids who can read good...and do other stuff good, too.

I am such a romantic and very sensitive...im very much my self, and a girl next door. but i get mad and rebellious against my parents

I have a lot of dreams and goals

I try to find the good in everyone, and try to understand why people do the things they do.

I am one of the most unphotogenic people you will ever meet. seriously. haha. so i take an unneccesary amount of pics of myself in hopes that a few will turn out okay, but i love to joke around with pictures with friends.

♥

i used to try and change to make people happy, but now im just myself, and i cant say i care much if you like it , it got aggravating a lot, which is why i get so angry with fake people, and no matter what I do in my life , i feel like i should stay true to myself. I WANT TO TRAVEL. take me anywhere and ill fall in love. london and cali are my dreams.

♥

I was born on july 11th, which is cancer. im very sensative. but demanding. i like to get my own way and i love to fight.

i hold KILLER grudges and when someone does something to me, I can't make myself like them easily. I try to look past peoples' flaws. I don't know what's wrong with me...I'm sure a lot, but for some reason i like having a few good enemies. I think it's my fault for being too bitchy. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.

I'm really weird. hahaha anyone can tell you that, too! I LOVE hugs i used to hate them, ask anyone, but not now.. I give hugs to alot of people. im sorry if that freaks you out but theres not much you can do about it.



I don't like feeling lazy...even tho i am alot., which is probably why I try and keep myself busy. I know what hard work is. i like it when my days feel complete. I put my heart and soul into everything I do because I have so many interests and id LOVE to have talent...at anything. haha I want to make sure that what I do is worth it and real. id like to think I'm a really dependable and loyal person, and even if we're not friends, I'd still probably stick up for you because that's just how I am.

I believe that friends love at all times, even through the hard ones

which is why i only have a hadnful of great friends.

♥♥♥

I'm a jealous person, if we're talking about someone i care about. I like my flaws; they make me who I am. i laugh at myself alot, so im never really embarassed...

I believe that you only have on true love.

♥♥♥

I've been told that I have a nice smile, or asked if I really do smile all the time. Yeah...I guess I am always laughing or smiling, but my teeth aren't perfect. at all ! i'm actually going to get braces soon. I'm ready now. It's weird, because I was really adamant on NOT getting braces, and katie had them and complained all the time... I guess I just get tired of girls not feeling confident or pretty enough if they didn't have perfect teeth or legs or anything and I kinda wanted to rebel against having straight teeth at the time...thinking that I'd do just fine on my own without getting that part of me fixed. I know, I'm a dork, but that's really what I believed in at the time going into high school hah, I guess id look okay with straight teeth. i know, wtf, right? hahaha. yeah anyways....

i love horses...and not much else...

♥I love my family.♥ I do believe that a strong family is everything, even though mine is broke and torn. i used to think we'd make it through everything, but these past few years have been so hard. and i feel like i have been alone through it all.i really need some help. and i hate admitting it.but sometimes i need someone to just hug me and tell me its okay because most times, i dont think it will be.

I am grateful for the good friends i have that i know would walk around with me if needed, and...i love them for it..

im not too happy with how i grew up. it was like a world war my entire life. my mom and dad drank alot, so mary and thomas got to do whatever they wants, drinking, smoking, terrible habits. katie and i just watched it all, nothing to do about it. now ellens here, and i cant stand life at my dads, and life at my moms is so hard because she doesnt know me at all and she thinks im going to kill myself. what the hell. and she tells me to talk to ruth, or take zoloft. and i get so mad at her because talking and pills will not solve everything. she doesnt even know me. why bother caring now.

I genuinely believe that the truth eventually does come out, and people will eventually see it.

People take me for granted, a lot. And that's unfortunate, but I'm trying to change that.

I'm definitely not the brightest, prettiest, or most talented person you will ever meet...it happens.

I believe that things happen for a reason. I've made mistakes, but they've all had outcomes that have made sense to me, and I grow and learn, and everything is in such a clear perspective for me right now, except for a few things happening last summer. and i dont know what to say about it, except im upset that it happened. i dont trust alot of guys because of it, and guys really have to come on strong for me to like them..

I'm trying this new thing where I won't open up so easily, because I don't think I could handle another broken heart, . I'll share if you share, I'm done with the way I used to always open up, share, befriend, defend, get hurt. It's not worth it. If it happens more than twice, I don't need the negativity.

I've learned that nice guys do finish last, and things will not always work in my favor if I am always the nice guy. You can't get what you want without being a bitch and it's sad but true.

I think it's sad when people judge situations without trying to understand both sides or get correct information first. I mean, I understand...but that's not very open minded, and it bothers me because it happens to me more than i would like..

I know more than I let on, and sometimes I'll look past things, but it doesn't mean that I don't notice.

I let people talk. It really doesn't bug me because it's not going to get anyone anywhere. All it does is bring more anxiety and bitterness and whatnot. I try to get along with everyone, and i love this saying:

"Always be a lady, and never give anyone any reason to not like you for anything." so...i didnt grow up with that. but a friend told me it and id like to follow it.

And I dont believe I've lived to that but id like to try harder to follow it, I don't like it when people make fun of others. It's not nice, and esp. when those people have helped the other people in situations before, ive done it before. but im pretty outgoing and i dont do it now. its something else id like to try and stop..

I pray every single night

I don't like it when people get credit for things that they don't do. .

Why do people try to bring others down? Just because someone is in misery doesn't mean that they should drag others with them. it makes the world sad. which might sound corny, but honestly, it makes alot of sense.

And please answer this question for me: Why do people hate? No really. Is it really that worth it? I don't think it is. Stay healthy, everyone! Don't hate, because life is too short to not enjoy!

mmmm I love school spirit. i dont go to games much because i cant say i have many friends that id hangout with. theyd much rather be with katie. which is fine with me because i have a boyfriend who doesnt ignore me, hit me or cheat on me for the first time ever.

<333

I love my friends with a passion.

and I don't just use the word love.

I mean, in my culture, we love each other in a crazy/awesome way.

that's what I carry into my life.

When i say i love my friends, it's unconditional love. I love them like they're my family.

i like music. a whole lot..

I'm thinking of someone right now..

I dance in my underwear at home. which is cool, cause no one cares since i live with my mom and my sister, so running around in boy shorts and a bra isnt a big deal at all

I THINK EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPIER NAKED. id love to go to a nude beach or something. im so comfortable with who i am, i think it would be alot of fun.

I enjoy dressing up. i also like to run, which i never do. dont ask me why. but when i do, its for a long time, and i wont stop until i feel like i will fall.

Sometimes it makes me sad to see that society is getting so casual. I really do believe that everyone should have some piece of clothing that they could just put on and feel great in, and that every girl should have that special black dress

I LOVE vintage dresses, well, vintage anything.


im taking culinary, and maybe ill make you cookies.

im bad at making cookies...

i can do anything in barefoot, even race you. And i'd probably lose, but id be barefoot. i think its natural..

♥♥♥
I want to be a lady...it isnt working much. im very defensive. i hit alot, because i get worried someone will hurt me like before. which scares me. but i need someone to hit me back.

i'm very patient, and i believe that my prince charming will come one day.

♥♥♥

Patience is a definite virtue. <3

I have a weird liking for guitars and trackies. not football players...basketball players...but trackies?! WHOA. haha. idk why, but I do. I've always liked them...they're just so cool.

i cant do anything with music besides listen to it, and dance around in the halls with it.

I want to learn anything, different languages

i wish i could design clothes...

i swear alot

sorry about that.

and im canadian.

and i like to fight, playful fights, little things that i can win. but i like to be fought, and sometimes...ill let you win, and sometimes i wont have a choice. but i LOVE competition. and i love spending time with anyone at all.

i like abs. and arms...and backs...well. i like alot. but i like eyes alot. i like when guys know what color my eyes are because i feel like thats important. and i like when guys will take pictures with me. and goof around, because its too hard to try and be pretty all the time .

i like school pictures with notes written on the back, saying we have good times, and memories, even the SMALLEST thing will make me happy, im a very simple girl.

i dont like when people spend money on me. id rather be a cheap date. haha

something that would make me extremely happy is one rose. im not big on getting elaborate things. all i want is one rose, which is my middle name. i just like to know when people care.

i like to know when people are mad at me, because i like to fix it. and i HATE when there is no communication at all...it gets me really, really mad and it makes me want to kill someone. even tho id never do that...

I LOVE PHOTOGRAPHY. especially nude photography. thats amazing to me, and beautiful because i was most vulnerable when i was raped, and of course, that had no clothes on.

i like when people favorite my stuff. or leave me cute myspace notes.

i love when people arent afraid to tell me how they feel about me, because im outgoing and carefree, and if you tell me you like me, ill either go out with you, or tell you your not really my type.

i get what i want.not really, i wish thatd make life so much easier. id like to get what i want alot, but it doesnt happen, and i will fight for something i love. even if its something stupid.

ill stand up for what i believe in. i dont like pizza, and i only like a few subs.

i dont drink pop, it rots my teeth

gay guys rock.

PASTA TAKES SKILL TO MAKE.

i like when people tell me my horoscopes. and when people steal my chairs, or when they want to fight about something and they get in my face about. cause i laugh alot. and i like when people can make me laugh

I LOVE PICNICS

walks on the beach are hella fun.

<3333

i never get tired of writing. and theres so much to say. its fun to write about yourself...

[sorry]

i have a hard time telling someone i love them, even if its my family. i hate saying "thank you" and "im sorry". its hardest for me to ask for help.

new hair cuts are fun. so are text messages, and notes.

little things make me very [[very]] happy.

i like to sing. a whole lot. though im terrible....

sometimes, i just need someone to hug me. even if its randomly, and i dont need it just then...ill remember it forever.

BUS RIDES = LOVE

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
.hi.hello.hi.
ive decided to write more, because i think that there is always alot to say whether youd like to admit it or not. and i believe that i always have alot going on and there is always something to talk about.

right now, in this moment. im frusterated. most of you dont know me, but im having some troubles and id really like to find some way to express them, but my photography is kind of in a block now. because of all of these difficulties...

i wish i could write. i mean...i know i can just go on and talk with my hands dancing along the keyboard...but id love to be able to write poems, or songs, or something with meaning.

my twin sister is a talented writer. i envy her. but she cant take photos. and that...makes me smile.

so i know this sounds weird

...


and alot of people wont get it, but i love to breathe people in.

and im hoping that that makes sense...but if it doesnt, i will explain it.

i like to be close to people, when im talking to them, or just...around people, i want to be able to breathe in the scent of their clothes or their perfume. and i like to breathe it in deep. its relaxing, and im sure it scares a few people whom i dont know. but they can deal. haha

i get really frusterated, and i contradict myself alot. and i feel like...if your a guy, and your can put up with me...

you are extraordinary. because i wouldnt stay with me if i was a guy.
i feel like sometimes when i have alot to say, and no one will listen i just want to scream all of my secrets . because sometimes i get really down. and insecure and if im called a whore or something, id really just like to cry. i want to tell the entire world what happened to me and shout out loud that i was niave, and i was immature and yeah, i was raped by a guy whos tounge was thick with beer. because that, to me would make my life alot easier..

i hate broken promises.

id love to learn about different religions. anything new about any religion at all. so please, share. im right now trying to learn a hebrew prayer...shema. its hard to learn over aim,. but its ♥fascinating♥

id really like to just get up and leave. because im sick of whats going on here and im sick of how people act and change to conform to society. i know that people are people no matter where you go but sometimes i just wish everyone would go away for five minutes so i can get myself situated.
i feel bad making new friends.

and i know that sounds pretty strange, i mean, dont get me wrong, i LOVE new people

but i feel like...they've already made so many friends that they've known for a long time...why should i come in...and maybe change something? i think that they have so many memories and inside jokes that i shouldnt join in. its stupid, i know. but its weird for me, thinking i meet them too late...especially the good ones, i just lose them to time.

i really do have a feeling that opposites attact

think about it...if i agree with someone all the time...wheres the excitment?! i love to argue, that leads to making up. and everyone knows making up is alot of fun. most times. anyways...i really enjoy those playful little fights where i can say "i win" and it really not mean a thing

<3

ive lately been getting into this bad habit of cracking my knuckles. and i dont know how to stop that

i love water. i love to soak in the tub and i love to shower, or swim in the pool. and when i shower, i leave the door open, cause i put my speakers RIGHT next to the door , so i can hear it over the water.

i ADORE being adored. and jokes. but theres a fine line between what to joke about . like...if we're friends, cool, you can joke about whatever. but if we're not all that close, and you joke about something my friends joke about with me...i will get upset.

ive never ever been to a cross country meet.
i really really love disney movies. and...im a big alice in wonderland fan.<333

im also terribly in love with comments. on my DA. and my myspace

i like comfortable silences

and sometimes...i secretly wish i was the other twin...


i think i just edited this twice. so i guess i will continue saying what is on my mind.

lets talk about my father. because currently, im having a really hard time with life at his house, and i really need to talk about it.

here goes
...

so at my dads, theres like...a milllion people. not really, about seven now. used to be nine.

i was kicked out about four months ago. it was my third time being kicked out and i expected to go back within a month or so, but i cleared out my room and everything . which was weird for me,because that was my home. ive lived there since i was young and evey single INCH of that house has memories in it. but there was so many people...it was just more comfortable to stay with my mom for awhile.

so my dads upset, and sad because i never go over there to see him. but its not like he comes to moms to pick me up, ask me how my day is, call me, see if i want to go out to eat...ect. so i GO OVER THERE to make an ATTEMPT to set things right again, and this...REALLY bothered me...he was lik "oh, who are you?!" joking, because i hadnt been there in so long. and i wanted to cry. because he doesnt know what im feeling. and ive tried to sit down and talk with him, but hes like...i dont know. nothing just seems to work.

so, today he talks to me about what is going to happen to my room. basically, i have no say in this. and it just gets me upset.

another thing thats going wrong ? i give EVERYONE advice.
on anything
and everything
at all
and when i need to talk...no one is there. its becoming a pain in the ass.

i also really enjoy when people fave my stuff, but i like comments on it, i dont know why you faved it if there is no comment, i just really, really appretiate it

thanks. i suppose thats all for now. its short. but...we'll see...